1 post tagged “2008 accomplishment”
What are you proud for accomplishing in 2008? Anything you wanted to accomplish that didn't quite happen?
There's a number of things that I'm proud to have accomplished this year. The same goes for things that didn't quite happen. I climbed mount Kilimanjaro, wrestled a koala, saved the planet, threw a shoe at President Bush. You know, normal stuff.
I think 2008 is a year I changed the most, both physically, and mentally. In the physical sense, I shed 17kg ( never thought Id do it ), grew my hair longer, tweezed le eyebrows and um grew slightly taller ( Id like to think if I keep repeating saying Ive grown taller, that it might actually happen ). Mentally, I went through the whole spm turmoil of not scoring what I predicted, of seeing the look of disappointment in my parents eyes, despite them assuring me spm is a mere tiny setback, it affected me like no one's business mannnnn. I swore to myself I dont ever want to see the same look in their eyes ever again. I started college, met both new and interesting people, lecturers and classmates and of course having to live with myself, and myself alone. Despite my siblings living about 45 minutes away from me, Ive never felt more alone. It wasn't hard, after all, in some sense I am a private person. I don't just nab friends everywhere and despite people assuming I have many friends, the truth is, those people who they think all these people I know are my "friends" ,are just bare acquaintances. I'd eat alone 99% of the time, walk alone to college, to class, to the gym and back to the hostel. I bet those mamak workers at the Mamak Restaurant thought I was a downright pathetic loser eating my thosai paper meekly at the corner of the restaurant, away from judging glances. I thought no one cared of my ghostly existence, floating in and out of the hostel. I found it both surprising and horrifying that people actually knew me as the "girl who walks alone". When palsy-walsy introductions took place, I'd often enough get the " oh yeah, you're the girl who always walks alone" or "yeah I always see you walking alone with your books". fuiyo, I sound like those studius people who are married to their textbooks. In actuality, I just own small bags! no place to put me books ma, hence having to work muh biceps carrying the back-aching heavy load.hah!
Nontheless, often times things got a little too quiet. I did'nt feel like contacting my old friends from highschool, realizing that everyone is busy with their own lives and own studies. When I did hear from my friends it would be tales of them falling in love, or settling in well into uni/college life. Who am I to still want to be a part of their life that has took off in abounding directions and grown so much bigger than what it was? I felt like I played my part as their school friend and that chapter now has ended.
Anyway, that aside, I feel more than thankful and blessed to have my parents who not only trust me living alone but have given me so much trust letting me travel alone, whether to the UK, Dubai, or Sarawak. I would'nt have gained the maturity I did this year if it wasnt for them. They have faith in my judgements, and have given me so much freedom in choosing what I want to pursue (after a lot of convincing ). ( no other sibling has been able to move out into an apartment by 18 ). I feel spoilt! Goddamnit now I feel guilty...and feel like crying. ahahha. I love my parents, and I have so much more appreciation for them than I ever did ( thanks ma for allowing me to wear your diamond ring for months! woot! ). their sacrifices, their hard work, it hits you harder now when you finally understand what everything stands for. My parents are such real and honest people with unmeasurable amount of grace and wisdom that it scares me how next to them, I know absolutely nothing about anything.
Staying and trekking with Penan people of Sarawak, I learned how strong I was, how I was able to complete things I wouldn't have dreaaaaaaaaaamed of doing, like hiking for 8 hours ,arriving at a new city alone, sitting at the back of a jeep for 6 hours and lugging around 16kg bags! And without doubt,away from all things comfortable .Things were put into perspective how different people lead completely parallel lives. It ignited a passion for the environment. Something that laid dormant deep inside me that had the chance to bubble up to the surface. I finally know what I want to do. What career I want to pursue, and what I want out of it. How I am 100% positive that I have a purpose in this world and in no way was I born to subject to daily 9-5 office jobs. My heart and soul is for something bigger, more challenging. I just know it is, and I'm going right for it.
2008 saw me falling in love, and falling out of it. Its true what they say that no one leaves a relationship empty handed, because at the end of the day, you learn more about yourself. You'll realize what you can and can't put up with, what you love, what you hate. You see yourself in a different light. Just as easy as I fell in love, I let go almost too easy ( again I'm astonished at my very blaz'e character ). You learn to value yourself, know what you're worth and what is right for you. ( its scary really, I have a feeling with all the jerks out there, I'll end up being The Lady with 20 cats, although maybe not cats, but 20 cameras a fridge stocked with ice cream heehee. ).
I learned the ferocity in my drive for things I want ( I'd buy my iPod and starve hahaha ), and I'm slowly channeling it in to a study version ! lol. But really, when you're so sure of yourself, what you embody and embrace it, the feeling is really overwhelming. I learned the only person worth satisfying is myself. I learned not to subject to worldly demands having to be a "somebody", a somebody who owns nothing but materiality. Having to dress like everyone else, look like everyone else and talk like everyone else. Living alone, I depend on myself. I abhor giving the power to someone else who realize I cant live without them when I cant depend on myself. It's very important to know who you are deep down. It's a long journey of self-discovery, I've only merely reached the tip of the iceberg, yet that alone is enough to make you think a world of a difference.
I am grateful to God for my perfect health this year.
I am grateful I am still alive, to experience the bountiful beauty that is life.
I am grateful for my beautiful family.
For the two rug-rats, my nieces Omera Joan and Immanisa Eir'en.
ps : I met truly genuine people who I have come to love and respect dearly. Thank you Hannah, Iqa , Wani, Justin and Leeyana for bringing sunshine to my otherwise gloomy and darn boring days. Especially you Justin, who has never failed to call , to hang out and be there whenever I need you.To make me laugh, to cook for me when I pester you for it , to watch over me whenever it sees fit. For giving me oppurtunities I'd only dream of. Thank you Zati, for always listening, for remaining to be the same "mini" I've always known and appreciated. For not ever assuming anything, even when we dont talk for weeks, when we do its as if we've talked everyday. thank you thank you.Thank you Iqa for inspiring me to pick up a third language, to welcome me so warmly into your home, for being such a good listener, and the caring person I know. Hannah, well, thank YOU makcik for existing and making college life fun! ( kamu budak JPA yang cekap )
Iqa and I, Le Meridian Hotel
hannah and I
